Growing up, I never gave much thought to making and keeping friends.
A couple of weeks ago I left a bible study group with a few friends while at a coffee shop feeling undeserved. I grew up believing in a “loner’s” POV on life instead of wanting a sorority type lifestyle. I thought that I was the cool kid, the girl that was secure enough to be herself, to sit down at a restaurant and eat her meal alone. While I sat back in my chair at the coffee shop where we all decided to meet up, I observed the girls talk about Jesus, marriage, kids and endless prayer requests. I thought back to 10 years ago, where I would’ve never imagined being part of this God loving group. These girls have seen the absolute worse part of me and have maybe even been on the receiving end of my uncontrolled anger, yet they were still my friends.
“Why would a group of Christian women continue to be my friends when I was so undeserving of their affection?”
This question began my search of scripture to understand the value of having friendships and what type of friendships to pursue.
The truth is I never understood the value of friendship in general. Growing up I only searched for trouble and my own selfish gains, while these ladies, searched for God. And of course, I absolutely despised that! I wanted to have fun and go out, get my drink on with fun friends. Which eventually I ended up meeting, later realizing they were not true friends at all. Ultimately the party life came to a halt, and I was ashamed of the person I had become and the people I had allowed to influence me. All of this to say, had I learned how to detect a worthy friendship over a false one, maybe if I had learned that sooner I would’ve held on to them better and saved myself a couple of scars along the way.
Today, I understand that friendships rooted in a Christ centered community are so incredibly valuable for long term success in our spiritual run. Godly friendships are what gives us endurance; not to give up 5 minutes into the run but to push past the physical pain. To keep going even when your abdomen starts to cramp up or your lungs begin to feel on fire, having the foundation of a good group of friends is what will get us through those last miles.
But first let’s identify what are the marks of a true friend.
- A true friend shows love, no matter what (Proverbs 17:17)
- A true gives heartfelt advice, bringing joy to the heart (Proverbs 27:9)
- A true friend rebukes, when necessary, but the correction is done in love (Proverbs 27:5-6)
- A true friend influences, enlivens, and sharpens (Proverbs 27:17)
- A true friend avoids gossip (Proverbs 16:28)
- A true friend forgives and does not hold grudges (Proverbs 17:9)
- A true friend is loyal (Proverbs 18:24)
- A true friend helps in time of need (Ecclesiastes 4:9-1)
So, what now?
Why is it important to identify characteristics of a true friendship in the first place? Scripture tells us all the benefits that come from having God fearing friends, while warning us the dangers and pitfalls of having bad company around.
Good company will:
- Be tolerant with you and forgive each other. Since the Lord forgave you, so should both forgive each other. Colossians 3:13
- Be better in twos since it is better than one because they have a good return for their hard work. If either of you should fall, one can pick up the other. But how miserable it will be when you fall and don’t have a friend to help pick you back up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
- Be devoted to each other in love and honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
Bad company will:
- Ruin good morals. 1 Corinthians 15:33
- Be uncontrolled anger; don’t associate yourself with hot-tempered people; otherwise, you will learn their ways and become trapped. Proverbs 22:24-25
- Be a violent person that entices their neighbors and walks them down a path that isn’t good. Proverbs 16:29
In summary,
the fruit of a long-lasting friendship will build you up throughout life and be grounded in Christ alone. Since He is the creator of love, His word gives us a cheat sheet in how to spot out true friendships, even friendships that will stay by your side in your darkest hour. We aren’t meant to do life alone. Let’s join together and seek the Word of God with others.
Searching for a group of girls that love Jesus? Send an email to lovedndredeemed@yahoo.com or follow me at lovendredeemed
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